Pacemaker Tuneup

There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission. If we wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume. If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical. We can roll the image, make it flutter. We can change the focus to a soft blur or sharpen it to crystal clarity. For the next hour, sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear. We repeat: there is nothing wrong with your television set. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to – The Outer Limits.

Introduction to the 1963 television series The Outer Limits

I had a three lead pacemaker implanted on Jan 25, 2013. When I entered the hospital I was out of breath and felt dizzy. I had a heart block which is an electrical problem of timing in the heart. I was missing beats and needed to get a jolt of current at the proper time.

I felt great after the surgery. Regaining those missing heartbeats made all the difference in my energy level. I’m so grateful for this technology. However there are a few restrictions that come with this device. I need to be careful being exposed to strong electromagnetic fields, generators, arc welders, radio transmitters.

I took this advice seriously except for the time I visited the MIT Haystack Observatory to photograph the antenna arrays. It was there I saw an ominous sign.

The aforementioned blue warning light was located a little past the sign, it was not flashing.

Yearly Checkup

Each year I go in for a pacemaker tuneup. A hockey puck size device is placed over the implant. A magnet allows a technician to change parameters of the pacing. It reads the log file which keeps track of heart rate, battery life, lead continuity and threshold voltages. When the technician lowered one of the thresholds I felt like I was going to faint. I could feel it when my heart rate was cranked up. I truly know what it is like to be a puppet.

Conclusion

I have three more years of battery power. Like a Timex watch, I keep on ticking. No more trips to high energy antennas for me. I suppose I should avoid Tesla Coils also. I found a complete list of various devices which can affect my pacemaker. No visit to the Hoover Dam for me. If I fall out of favor with the law, please don’t taze me.